Everything I Didn't Say
by Inkwells and Quills
Summary: I wish I could've made you stay, and I'm the only one to blame, I know that it's a little too late, this is everything I didn't say. Lucy and Jude Heartfilia song-fic. One-shot.


Hello! This sort-of songfic is not about a pairing, unfortunately. This is about Lucy and Jude and, to some extent, Layla. I'm very excited about this one, because, while I like writing about pairings, I also love writing about families and friendships, especially since Fairy Tail is all about the strength of friendship and family. Anyways, enough with my babbling! Everything I Didn't Say by 5 Seconds of Summer is a great song, so check it out (just check out all of the band's music, they're fantastic). Bold is lyrics, italics is letters. Enjoy!

~mk

* * *

**taking every breath away,**

**with all of the mistakes I've made,**

**and all the letters that I've saved, **

**this is everything I didn't say**

* * *

_My dear Layla,_

_I miss you more with each day that passes in your absence. It's been a year since we found out that you were sick, and six months since the disease claimed your life. Today was Lucy's birthday, she made me a little rice ball with my face on it, and yet I pushed her away, because she reminds me too much of you. Because this day reminds me too much of you._

_I finally managed to strike a deal with the owner of the Rosewood Railway Company. It's a horrid deal that I'm sure I'll regret soon. He halved the price I had to pay providing that when Lucy is of age, she is to marry Bill Rosewood's son. I feel sick every time I think about the deal. Hopefully I'll be able to get out of it. I know that if you were here you wouldn't have let me even think about it, but I really need the Rosewood Company. I've decided not to tell Lucy until she's old enough to understand. Even so, she probably won't. I feel awful._

_I miss you so much, my dear. Lucy misses you too._

_Eternally yours, Jude_

* * *

Jude stared out the window. He found himself doing that a lot lately, as if staring at the faraway gates of his estate would somehow make his daughter suddenly appear outside of them, crying and begging him to give her a second chance, that she couldn't handle the world just yet. That she missed him.

It was so strange, how he felt like this when alone in his bedroom (not the one he had shared with Layla, staying there would've been too painful), but once he stepped into the office that sometimes felt like a prison, all thoughts turned to business. That was why he had started seeing Lucy in his office. There, he could forget how much she looked like Layla, how much she reminded him of Layla, how much he wished Layla would come back to him.

That had been a mistake. He shouldn't see his daughter in that sort of environment. He thought of all the times Lucy had come to visit him, and he had pushed her away because he wanted to lose himself in his work and not have to look at the little girl with Layla's eyes and Layla's spirit. The girl who had left him just like Layla had.

Jude Heartfilia had plenty of experience with profiting from his mistakes, but he had no idea how he could get anything from this one.

* * *

_Dear Mom, _

_I finally did it! I ran away from home! I feel so free, so happy, so alive! It's wonderful. I feel bad for just going without saying a word to Dad, but I couldn't talk to him. He's been getting more and more distant from me lately, and finally it got to a point where I just couldn't take it. I had to get out. _

_I've been takng small wizard jobs in each town I pass through to make money, and I took all of my savings and a few of Dad's least favorite trinkets to sell. Even so, I haven't had enough money to really settle somewhere, and honestly, I don't want to settle. I'm going to try and find a wizard guild I can join. I really want to join Fairy Tail, but I doubt such a strong guild would accept me. Maybe Lamia Scale, or Blue Pegasus? Maybe even Mermaid Heel, although I'm not totally sure I want to join an all-girls guild._

_Whatever guild I join, I'm sure it'll be really fun! I might even get to join a team! Oh, that would be awesome! And I'm getting a lot stronger now that I can practice without having to worry about Dad finding out. _

_I picked up a new celestial spirit yesterday. The farmer who I was doing a job for said that he had found the key in one of his fields, and he gave it to me as part of my reward. And guess what? It was another Zodiac spirit! I was so excited when I saw it! It's Taurus, the Golden Bull. He's a bit of a perv, but he's super strong and will be a huge help in battles and stuff. He promised that he would always protect me. I'm really excited to work with him. _

_Now I have three Zodiac spirits, thanks to you, and I also bought a key for a spirit named Lyra for super cheap since, don't tell her I said this, she's not very helpful in the long run. But I love her, she's like my new best friend, especially since my only other female spirit is Aquarius, who hates me, and I haven't stayed anywhere long enough to make real friends. _

_Anyways, I'm leaving for Hargeon tomorrow morning, so I'd better get some rest. Wish me luck, because I think I'm going to go to Magnolia to try and get into Fairy Tail! I love you._

_Love, Lucy_

* * *

Jude was working when the short, plump servant woman burst into his office. What was her name? He couldn't remember.

"Mr. Heartfilia, Mr. Heartfilia!" She cried, waving a sheet of paper around.

"How many times have I said not to interrupt me while I'm working?" Jude thundered, but he hadn't been working, not really. He had been staring, unseeing, at a stack of business deals and possible actions for the railway, but he couldn't think properly. For one thing, the idiotic deal he had made with Bill Rosewood so many years ago was fast approaching, and he had no idea what he would do if he couldn't get Lucy married to the man's son.

And speak of the devil, Lucy was also weighing heavily on his mind. Where was she? She'd been gone for quite a while, and he still hadn't gotten used to waking up knowing that Lucy wouldn't be seated at the other end of the ridiculously long table at breakfast. That she wouldn't practice her magic thinking that he thought she was studying business. That his little princess wasn't home in her castle.

"But Mr. Heartfilia, I have urgent news! It's about Miss Lucy!" His head snapped up. Speak of the devil indeed.

_My dearest Layla, _

_Lucy has finally been found! She has joined some wizard guild called Fairy Tail. I vaguely remember her mentioning them once or twice. I _must_ get her home, no matter the cost. I've heard of a guild called Phantom Lord that does shadier, more illegal jobs such as taking down other guilds, if the price is right. I will pay them anything to get our Lucy back home._

_All my love, Jude_

* * *

_Mr. Porla, _

_I have heard of your guild's dealings on the other side of Council law. I would like you to do a job for me. My daughter, Lucy Heartfilia, has recently run away from home and joined the Fairy Tail guild, a guild that I know you have a rivalry with. I would like you to bring her home to me, even if you have to tear Fairy Tail down brick by brick._

_I will offer you five million jewels for her _safe_ return. I want her alive and unharmed. Enclosed you will find a photo of Lucy and an address to write me back at. I look forward to hearing from you._

_Sincerely, Jude Heartfilia_

_Mr. Heartfilia,_

_I would like to offer my condolences on the matter of your daughter, this must be a hard time for you. Of course my guild will take on your request, in fact, I will put my best men and woman on the job. Perhaps you've heard of Aria of the Great Sky, Juvia of the Great Sea, Sol of the Earth, and Totomaru of the Great Flame, otherwise known as the Element Four, or of Kurogane Gajeel?  
_

_However, as taking up arms against another guild is strictly forbidden by the Magic Council, I will require a steeper reward. Perhaps ten million jewels for your lovely daughter's safe return, plus another five million for concealing your involvement?_

_Sincerely, Jose Porla_

_Mr. Porla,_

_Anything to get my daughter back. You will receive payment upon your personal return of my daughter to Heartfilia Manor. I expect to hear news of your efforts in the coming days._

_Sincerely, Jude Heartfilia_

* * *

Lucy stared at the picture of her father on her desk. It wasn't only of her father, she and her mother were in it too. It had been taken, obviously, before her mother passed away, before her father developed that permanent scowl that intimidated his daughter and servants and businessmen alike. Before he had started ignoring his only child.

The blonde wanted to scream. How dare he request that another guild take up arms against her new home, against her new family? How dare he invade her new life, after clearly wanting nothing to do with her when she was with him? How dare he attack Fairy Tail? How dare he?

Maybe if she had talked to him before she left, he would understand. He wouldn't have done this horrid thing. If she had told him how he felt, maybe he would've even approved of her leaving, although that was highly doubtful.

Lucy made a decision then. She would go back home, if just to talk to her father and make him understand. To make sure he would never dare to do such a thing again.

_Dear Mom,_

_I've decided to go back home. Not for good, just to talk to Dad and tell him how I feel and try and make him understand why I left. It's funny how I still think of that place as home even though Fairy Tail is my real home now. I love being a part of Fairy Tail, and I know that if you were still here you'd tell me to follow my heart and stay where I feel I belong._

_But Dad doesn't understand that. He thinks that being rich and having such a big house that I used to get lost in it is enough to make someone happy. But it's not, Mom. Fairy Tail is the first place I've truly been happy since you left, and I don't have a ton of money or a big house. I have a small apartment and I make enough money to get by, and I love it with all my heart._

_And the people here love and accept me too. Not a single one wanted to hand me over to Phantom Lord, even though they've all been close for way longer than I've even known them, and handing me over would've prevented so much pain and bloodshed. They're magnificent people, if a bit eccentric and destructive, and they're all like family to me._

_I'll write again after I see Dad. I'm really nervous, Mom. Maybe you could lend me some strength? I love you and miss you and wish you were here._

_Love, Lucy_

* * *

Jude gazed out the window at Lucy. He could still make her stay. He could still get the guards on the outskirts of the property to come and haul her up to her room. He could still lock her away in her room and never let her leave and she would be here with him to eat at the other end of the ridiculously long table and to think she was practicing magic in secret and to be a little princess home in her castle.

But he had seen the determination in her eyes when she spoke of her guild and of her happiness. He couldn't keep his little girl from being happy, even if it cost him his own happiness. He needed to let her go. He needed to let her grow up.

Looking at her stand in front of her mother's grave, looking at her as her friends suddenly appeared and tackled her and cried about how they thought she was gone for good, looking at his daughter, he thought, with pride, that perhaps she already had.

_My dearest Layla,_

_How wrong I've been. I'm an awful parent without you. First I drive my princess from her castle, not even realizing that she's not my little princess anymore, and then I try and abduct her. I'm a horrible, horrible man. And my business, the one thing keeping my mind off of blonde girls, no, blonde women with brown eyes who I've never stopped loving, is failing. I couldn't tell Lucy, but maybe I should have. Then I would've gotten pity as well as rage from her. _

_I was such a fool. I attacked the one place where she felt at home, I tried to force her to feel like this lonely old castle was her home again. But this place hasn't been a home since you left us. For so long, this place has been a prison for both of us, and I couldn't see it. Lucy broke out of her prison. I'm still not strong enough to do the same. _

_I love you with all my heart._

_Yours eternally, Jude_

* * *

Lucy hadn't thought about her father in so long. She'd been avoiding any mention of the Heartfilia name since the Phantom Lord incident. Whenever she spotted the name in the newspaper, she would flip the page without reading the article. Whenever the name appeared on the radio lacrima, she changed the station.

And here he was, his hair and beard overgrown, his suit torn and filthy, a thin cotton cloak draped over his shoulders. He was asking her for money. How typical.

And yet she had almost offered him a place to stay, even though her apartment was barely big enough for her. She had almost given him the money he needed. He was her father, after all.

But then memories, years of silent meals and angry lectures and then images of Erza collapsed with her armor shattered and Reedus knocked out and Cana and Alzack and Bisca and Macao and Wakaba injured but still fighting and and iron pillars through the guild hall and Gajeel with his insane grin and Juvia with a blank stare as rain fell like drip drip drop and a smushed rice ball and Lucy couldn't forgive him, even if he was her father.

_Dear Mom,_

_I'm so confused. Dad came to see me. I didn't even know the company was failing, but he's bankrupt and _he_ was asking _me_ for money. He wants to start working at some merchant guild called Love and Lucky. He said that that's where he started out and where the two of you met. I almost gave him the money, but I couldn't forgive him. He's caused me so much pain, he's caused my friends, my family, so much pain._

_I hope your grave is okay. I hope Ms. Spetto and the others are okay! Oh gosh, maybe I'll go check up on them and the house. And, even though I refused him, I'm still worried. I hope he does okay. I love you._

_Love, Lucy_

* * *

Jude stared after his daughter as she ran away with her friends, turning back once to wave at him. He waved back weakly. Oh yes, he was a fool. He shouldn't have interrupted her happy life with his perils. She wasn't his anymore. She was theirs. No, no, no, she was her own.

_My darling Layla,_

_I'm back at Love and Lucky, and just before I arrived they were attacked by a dark guild called Naked Mummy. Lucy thought I was already there, and she came and fought the dark guild and freed all of the merchants. She risked her safety just for me, even after all I've done to her, even after I had the nerve to ask her for something after all I've done._

_I used to think that I owned her, that I owned everything in that house, old trinkets and servants and Lucy alike. The house was a prison to our girl, and I was her jailer. I'm an awful person, Layla. But that's why I'm at Love and Lucky. This place represents some of my happiest memories, and it's here that I'm going to start over, to try and be a better person, so that I can one day maybe deserve to say that I'm our amazing, beautiful, capable, independent Lucy's father._

_There I go again, saying our. Lucy isn't ours anymore. She's her own person. And it's so hard to watch, because I didn't help her to become so wonderful in any way. It was you, and it was Fairy Tail. And I'm grateful._

_I miss you so much Layla._

_All my love, Jude_

* * *

Jude stared at the newspaper he held. He blinked. And stared again. He shook his head, and then shook the newspaper, but the article on the front page was still there. He read it again, and could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He wiped them away, and took his break.

Lucy was gone. She wasn't dead, no, she couldn't be dead, Lucy couldn't be dead, he could feel in his soul that she wasn't dead. But she was gone. The whole island and all of her guild's strongest members were gone. Including her. For a moment, he felt a swell of pride because _she's considered one of Fairy Tail's strongest members_ but the pride was quickly stepped on by sadness. Lucy...

Her eighteenth birthday was coming up soon. Wow, little Lucy, eighteen years old. Jude couldn't believe it. That's it, he decided, her birthday. When she got back, not if, when, she would find gifts from each birthday she missed. Yes, yes, he could do that. After all, he'd always been good with material possessions.

_My darling Layla,_

_Lucy is gone. She is not dead, you would have seen her if she was, I would know, I would be able to feel it if she was. There's so much I didn't have the chance to say to her, and now I might not ever see her again, even if she is alive. _

_I'm so sorry for not protecting our pride and joy, I'm so sorry for not making more of an effort once you were gone, I'm so sorry that I was such an awful father to Lucy. I wish you were here to make me feel better, even though I don't deserve it._

_Eternally yours, Jude_

* * *

_My dear Lucy,_

_Happy birthday, princess. You're eighteen today. I can't believe it. What happened to the little girl who played with Michelle and made me rice balls? Even though I haven't seen you in so long, now that I can't see you at all, I miss you even more. It hurts to think of you almost as much as it hurts to think of Layla._

_In the newspaper, it says that you're one of Fairy Tail's strongest wizards. I don't doubt it for a moment. My co-workers always tell me how marvelous you were when you defeated that dark guild to save them. They've all been offering their condolences too, but I don't believe that you're dead. I can feel in my heart that you can't be dead. Besides, you've got enough spirit to live until you're one hundred, perhaps longer._

_I can't express how much I love and miss you, and you probably wouldn't believe me if I tried. I'm so sorry that I treated you so horribly as you grew up, and I'm sorry that I pushed you away, and I'm sorry that I thought that I owned you. I'm sorry for being an awful father when you only deserved the best._

_When you come back, I want to start over. I want to get to know Lucy of Fairy Tail, because Lucky Lucy Heartfilia wasn't a real person. She's just who I thought you were, who I wanted you to be. And even though I know that I don't deserve it, I want to be a part of your life again, Lucy. A good part._

_I miss you so much, my darling. Happy birthday._

_All my love, Daddy_

* * *

_My dearest Layla,_

_They've been searching for any trace of Fairy Tail or their island, Tenroujima, but nothing has been found. It's been so long, Layla, and they haven't found anything. Not a single grain of sand to mark that there even _was_ an island. I'm going crazy with worry, but I have to believe that Lucy is safe. _

_I've been having strange dreams. Lucy, standing in a circle holding hands with other wizards, a giant black dragon roaring, a tree falling, torturous darkness consuming a boy with pink hair. Somehow I know that these are Lucy's memories. I don't know why or how they are appearing to me. All I can do is pray every night that our daughter is safe and well._

_ My eternal love, Jude_

* * *

_My beautiful daughter,_

_It's a few weeks after your twenty-third birthday, but I'm only getting the chance to write now because I recently discovered that I'm sick. I don't believe that it's a terminal illness, and I have faith that by the time you get back, I'll be over it, and we'll be able to see each other again with no fear._

_Do you remember that day you brought me a rice ball with my face on it? I pushed you away that day because it was the six month anniversary of your mother's death, and both you and the day reminded me too much of her. I know that offering an explanation does nothing to excuse me, but I thought you might like to know why I did some of the things I did. _

_I think that perhaps the reason that the business failed was you. I couldn't think, couldn't make new deals, couldn't do anything because you were weighing on my mind so much. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or anything, I just thought I'd let you know._

_I know that I'm rambling on a bit, but I suppose sickness might make one a tad scatterbrained. _

_I've been writing letters to your mother nearly since she passed away, and I'm enclosing them with this year's gift. I used those letters as a kind of diary to express everything I've felt. Maybe they'll make you forgive me a teeny bit, even if I don't deserve forgiveness. Maybe it'll make you hate me even more. Whatever the case, I'll feel better knowing that you have them. I'll send more with your seventh birthday gift, providing you're not home by then._

_I suppose that since you're getting Layla's letters, there isn't much else to say here. I apologize for how random this letter is, but I've been working on it a bit every day because I've been getting awful headaches recently, probably as a result of my illness._

_I've been looking at pictures of you recently, and it's so striking how much you remind me of Layla. Even your expressions, your fierceness, they're hers. You barely got anything from me. I suppose it's better that way, as I've done some pretty awful things in my time._

_I love you with all of my heart, I've always loved you with every bit of my soul, even though I haven't done much to show it. I miss you so much, Lucy, and I want you to come home so that I can see what a wonderful woman you've become since the last time we met._

_All of my love, Papa_

* * *

_My love Layla,_

_I'm going to die soon, I'm going to see you again soon, I won't get to see Lucy, but I'll get to see you and that doesn't make up for it, not in the slightest, because I miss Lucy so so so so very much and I'm sending all of your letters along to her and I want her to read them and my head hurts and I'm going to die soon and I feel weak and dizzy and I'm going to see you soon, my love, I'm going to see you soon and I love you and I love Lucy but I won't get to see her but I love you and I'm going to see you soon._

_My eternal love, Jude_

* * *

Lucy stared at the letters. The sixth gift had been a gorgeous necklace with a beautiful diamond inlaid in it, but Jude's letters, the letters that he'd used just like she had, as a journal, a diary, to express all of the emotions that he couldn't otherwise, we're what she really cared about. She had read some of the earlier ones, and they had made her heart ache and tears drip down her chin. Especially the one from the infamous day of the rice ball. That one, the marriage deal... but he had regretted it so much.

After reading through all of her father's deepest, darkest emotions, she couldn't help but forgive him, even though a big theme in his letters was how much he didn't deserve forgiveness. She didn't forgive him for everything (images of Erza with shattered armor and all of her friends injured but still fighting and iron pillars through the guild hall and angry lectures and an empty mansion and she couldn't ever fully forgive him) but she could forgive him for the rice ball. For the marriage deal. It was a start.

A start that didn't matter, she realized, because her father was gone and there was no way for her to tell him that she _was _sad, despite everything he did, and she _did_ want to start over, because he had potential. He had a conscious, he could get better. But not anymore, she thought, because he's gone and there's no way to bring him back.

_Dear Mom,_

_Dad is there with you now. He wanted to see me when I got home, and I wanted to see him, but I can't. I miss him so much more than I thought I would. He sent me all of the letters that he wrote to you, and the last one was so short and so emotional because I guess his mental state was deteriorating and he repeated himself and he wanted to see me and he loves me and I love him and I feel so awful._

_I'm sorry that my writing is so jumbled and messy, but I just read a bunch of Dad's letters a few minutes ago, and I'm so emotional right now. I feel upset, but I also feel... clean, if that makes any sense. Like I've exorcised a lot of the ghosts, like I've gotten rid of all of these things weighing down on me. It's not clean, it's light. I feel light. I've read all of these things that Papa wanted me to read, all of these things that he didn't get a chance to tell me himself._

_I think I'm going to try writing to him. I love you and miss you both like crazy and I wish you were both still here with me._

_Love, Lucy_

* * *

_Dear Papa,_

_I got your letters and your gifts. Thank you. Thank you so much, and I'm so sorry that we didn't get to see each other again. I miss you so so so much, but I'm glad that you get to see Mom again. I know how much you missed her._

_I've been reading through all of your letters to Mom. I don't think I can ever totally forgive you, especially because you've hurt my friends, but I don't blame you for a lot of the things you blame yourself for. It's really hard writing to you, since the loss is still fresh in my mind. I'll write more when it gets easier for me._

_I love you so much, and I wish that you and Mom were both still here with me, and I wish that we could have seen each other, even just once more._

_Love, Lucy_

* * *

Lucy Heartfilia gazed up at the clear blue sky. She was about to battle Flare Corona of Raven Tail, and she was so nervous. The guild's pride was riding on her victory in this battle. She couldn't lose. She couldn't let the others down.

"Mom, Papa," She whispered, almost seeing their faces in the beautiful, endless blue, "I'm fighting with all of my heart today. I'm going to make you proud."

* * *

Jude Heartfilia gazed down at the Grand Magic Games stadium. His daughter stood there, about to go into battle. Her voice floated up to him, catching him off guard.

"Mom, Papa, I'm fighting with all of my heart today. I'm going to make you proud."

A blonde woman with brown eyes approached Jude. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. Jude and Layla Heartfilia smiled down at their pride and joy.

"My beautiful, darling Lucy. You don't have to make us proud. We already are."

* * *

**I wish I could've made you stay,**

**and I'm the only one to blame, **

**I know that it's a little to late,**

**this is everything I didn't say**


End file.
